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Need to lose a few pounds for Spring Break?

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"Spring is upon us and drama is in the air!"

The days are getting longer, Robins are chirping, the air is fresh and it is only 3 weeks until the long awaited, get-a-way to the beach Spring Break. Oh the excitement! Head off to the tanning salon for a dose of melanoma primer and then to Victoria’s Secret for the hottest swimsuit design. All is well until the dressing room and then…..Oh my……the Amygdala (the part of the brain that processes emotions) starts taking up glucose for energy like a world class sprinter’s quads during a 400 meter event. There is a reason why Secret is part of the name you know, it’s what’s been hiding under the Winter coat since the feeding season began in late November, not to mention the perfectly timed, pre-Spring Break, boxes of Girl Scout muffin top makers.

Oh what to do, blood sugar is dropping because the Amygdala is in warp drive, Scotty we need more glucose, OK Captain here’s more cookies from the Klingons, Ahhhh thanks Captain I feel better.

Next, the mobile device takes a hit. The battery goes dead because of the panic search for something on-line that will fix the physique in 3 weeks. Run to the car, plug in the phone, make sure it’s running or the car battery will die as well.

A colon cleanse, a no carb diet, freeze dried deer antler tablets, Ohhhhhhhh.... search all the skinny girl sites, they are thin all the time, they MUST have the Secret that goes with Victoria! Wait a minute, maybe I should email my trainer, no, no, no, he’s the antithesis of fad diets and quick fixes, an idiot with a Ph.D, I need someone who knows how to fix this mess quick. He’ll tell me I should have been consistent with training, kept my weight gain under 5 lbs during the feeding season and thought about Spring Break on January 2nd, Ahhhhhhhhh I don’t want to hear that! Somebody give me a hug and tell me what I want to hear damn it, I’ll pay anything for it, just make me look skinnier in 3 weeks. I know tan fat looks better than white fat but I’m tan and I still “think” I look fat. Help!!!!!

When I was young my dad was installing paneling in our basement, I wanted to help drive nails. He said no I’d smash my finger, I insisted, he handed me the hammer. About the 3rd nail in I smashed my finger. My mother came running down stairs as I was screaming about my bloody finger, asked my dad why he let me nail, he said because I insisted.

A friendly reminder, there are no easy solutions. The internet hucksters would like you to think so, but they just want your money in exchange for a short term fix to bring your Amygdala out of warp drive. My advice (see above) or try what you think will work, I’ll know in about 3 days during a WOD who’s been naughty and who’s been wise. Email me if you want a hammer, I can send you one from the physique diet days archive but be warned, what it really takes to get lean is not easy nor is there a quick fix.

 

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